These Phrases from My Dad That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the truth rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get some help. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger inability to communicate between men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."